


Ineffables baby-sitter

by NaoYoshikawa



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anathema Device Ships Aziraphale/Crowley, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Babysitting, Family, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Love, M/M, Snake Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24805516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaoYoshikawa/pseuds/NaoYoshikawa
Summary: When an angel and a demon have to look after a baby..."You love this just because it amuses you.""Also. You're a little funny.""Funny?", the demon lowered his glasses a little bit to look him in the eye. "Funny, tender, caring, is there anything else maybe? I am a demon!""But here you are," he smiled, making him huff and puff. Azrpahel might have been an angel, but he was good at provoking him when he wanted to. He had to put his heart at ease, he actually had a tender side, but this was a secret that no one had to know, or goodbye to his reputation.He looked where the stroller was supposed to be, and he gazed out his eyes."Damn it, angel! Where's the baby?!"Azraphel was going to say, "Obviously here," but in truth, there was nothing. Yet he was watching him the whole time.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 5





	Ineffables baby-sitter

"Oh, angel! Little thing here weeps again!"  
Azraphel took off his reading glasses with a sigh. Would he make it to the end? Or would he have run away before his time?  
No, no, not at all. Patience was one of his virtues. Though he was often put to the test by _someone _.  
"Clara. "Her name's Clara, not _Little thing _!" he made it clear.  
"That's always the initial. What do you want me to change? But why is she still crying?"  
Crowley looked at the little girl lying on the table with his arms folded... Completely red in the face from the effort, he'd been crying in protest for over 15 minutes.  
"I don't know, maybe she's hungry," Azraphel suggested, resting the book, realizing it would be useless to keep trying to read.  
"Again? He ate a little while ago!"  
"Then maybe she just wants to be picked up. You take her."  
The angel didn't see the change in Crowley's expression.  
"No, I can't take her. She's fragile. What if I break it?"  
Azraphel sighed again. He had to admit there was something very tender and adorable about the way he did it. In the end, it was up to him to hold Clara, but at least that calmed her down a little.  
"You see, dear? It's not difficult. Besides, didn't you say you were the one who was good with children?"  
Crowley thought about that before he answered. He did say that, but he didn't imagine it would be this complicated. He had enough experience, but babies were so hard to understand. And then they needed constant attention, not to mention the fact that they were so delicate.  
"In fact, I'm good at it, even more than you are, just not at everything, you know. And then you see? Little thing likes you, so problem solved!"  
Clara had stopped complaining and snuggled up to Azraphel, who gently rocked her.  
"Babysitting isn't easy, is it?" he asked.  
"Tell that to Anathema and Newton, they had the insane idea of leaving Little thing for a day. How reliable can an angel and a demon be, huh?"  
"They entrusted her to us because we're good for..."  
"Don't say those things in front of the baby, you hear me?!" Crowley said right away. The situation was complicated and absurd enough, he didn't need the angel to remind him what a good person he was. It wasn't even true, not completely.  
Besides, there was nothing particularly admirable about him. He liked children, in the sense that he considered them to be little beings to be protected from all evil, but taking care of them every day in that way was certainly difficult. What was that up there? Anxiety? Fear?  
No, nonsense. But he was certainly more agitated than Azraphel, who seemed quite comfortable. Clara hadn't fallen asleep - why not, that little girl wouldn't make things easy for them - rather she'd opened her dark eyes and started laughing towards Crowley.  
"Well? Are you laughing at me now? What's funny about me going mad?" she snorted.  
"Come on, darling. She's only four months old, she's small. Maybe she's laughing because she likes you. Come on, you try to get her."  
"What if I drop it?!"  
"Nonsense!"  
Azraphel trusted Crowley blindly. He just needed - unbelievable, but true - some self-esteem. So he gave it to her without too much trouble, whereupon the demon found himself completely unaware and tried to hold her, albeit awkwardly, in his arms.  
"Great, I got her. What do I do now?" he asked, holding Clara's little head in the palm of his hand.  
"Nothing, just hold her while I finish arranging these books. And don't put her down or she'll cry again!"  
"No, wait! Bastard, he set me up, but what...?"  
Him, a demon, in that absurd situation. What exactly was he afraid of? That little girl was harmless and so innocent.  
And maybe that was the problem.  
"All right. All right, I give up. "But, Little thing, try to keep quiet," I sighed, resigned.  
Peace and quiet. Not that Azraphel had ever doubted Crowley's ability with children of all ages, babies included.  
It had taken him a good hour to put books on a shelf and he didn't even realize how long it was going on.  
Perhaps it was a bit too quiet. Should he have been worried about that?  
"Amh... dear, are you all right?" he asked, slightly apprehensive.  
No answer. All right, maybe a little checking wouldn't hurt anyone. He walked away from his beloved books in the hope that the demon hadn't done something inconsistent, like incinerate Clara and... oh no. That would have been a disaster.  
In fact, nothing could have prepared him for what he would soon see. The child was not in Crowley's arms, for the simple reason that Crowley had taken on his snake shape and rolled up next to Clara, who giggled and reached out her hand in an attempt to grab his forked tongue.  
Azraphel couldn't help laughing and trying an endless motion of sweetness.  
"Oh, Crowley. You're so sweet."  
Damn it. He didn't even notice him, distracted as he was. He immediately returned to his "human" form, squaring it.  
"What is it? Why are you looking at me like that? I thought she wanted to play, so I gave her one. And I'm not soft. I'm just trying to keep her at bay since you dumped me!"  
"All right, I'm sorry, I won't say you're sweet. But you see, it wasn't that hard. Clara likes you."  
"Everyone likes me, especially you, angel."  
Azraphel did to say something, but he couldn't. He deserved it, he'd done nothing but provoke Crowley, so now it was right that Crowley should say something in return, telling an undeniable truth.  
"Y-yes, well? What's that got to do with it now...?"  
"It's always about, my dear," embarrassing him was so satisfying. Clara began to fret again at that moment, attracting the attention of both of them.  
"And there she goes again," Crowley looked up to the sky. "Don't think about dumping me again, we need a division of labour!"  
"Don't worry dear, I don't want to dump you. Maybe we can take Clara for a walk. I don't know, like to the park?"  
The demon made a face.  
"But it's dangerous there! There's a lot of danger there!"  
"Dangers? But Crowley, we're here to protect her. What do you want to happen to her?"  
"How should I know?! The sun, if her skin burns? I know babies are very delicate. "Insect bites, temperature fluctuations, I mean, lots of bad stuff...!"  
 _Don't tell him he's adorable, don't say it, don't say it _, he found himself thinking of the angel. Clara was bringing out the most thoughtful part of Crowley, it wasn't everyone's ability.  
"Take it easy, OK? We'll be careful. Besides, the sun and the fresh air can't hurt."  
The demon surrendered, partly because he felt dumb enough to worry about it like that. But yeah, let them do the happy family in the park, too. Not that he mind, of course.______

______And so in the end they were gone. Sitting on a bench in St James Park, not two, but three. Clara had fallen asleep immediately in her stroller. _Finally. _  
Crowley felt better when he realized that the sun wasn't that strong, that there weren't bugs or too many people, but he still recommended Azraphel to keep the stroller very close to them, because there were a lot of humans kidnapping children.  
Thoughtful, kindhearted, soft-hearted. That demon was all that, but woe betide him. Azraphel could not have failed to admit that all this amused him quite a bit and that Crowley in that version was something unmissable, but also extremely sweet.  
"You see? We're all right, there won't be a terrorist attack right now or anything," the angel began to say.  
"Please, I didn't think so big either. And please don't make words of this to anyone."  
"What exactly am I not supposed to say? That you're good with children and that you care about them?"  
"Y-Yes! Exactly that," he said pointing the finger at them. "I don't do it on purpose, it's stronger than me. Besides, kids are cute, except when they scream."  
"I think so, too. And I think you've got instincts about these things."  
"Don't say that. This is embarrassing."  
"This is a good thing. Oh, Crowley. You are many things, an inopportune, exaggerated, impulsive, stubborn tempter. But you're also thoughtful and kind and... a good person! I know you don't want me to say it, but I do. And I love that about you, too."  
He was surprised at how easily he could say those words. One angel loved everyone, but he loved Crowley in particular.  
The latter wished he hadn't blushed, but it wasn't something he could control.  
"You love this just because it amuses you."  
"Also. You're a bit funny."  
"Funny?", the demon lowered his glasses a bit to look him in the eye. "Funny, tender, caring, is there anything else maybe? I am a demon!"  
"But here you are," she smiled at him, making him huff. Azrpahel might have been an angel, but he was good at provoking him when he wanted to. He had to put his heart at ease, he actually had a tender side, but this was a secret that no one had to know, or goodbye to his reputation.  
He looked where the stroller was supposed to be, and he gazed out his eyes.  
"Damn it, angel! Where's the baby?!"  
Azraphel was about to say, "Obviously here," but in truth, there was nothing. Yet he was watching him the whole time.  
"Fuck," he whispered in a low voice. "Anathema's gonna kill us."  
"I don't think so! There he is!"  
It didn't explain why, perhaps on the downhill road, but the stroller had slipped down, undisturbed.  
 _Just a normal thing. _  
"Crowley, crash!" cried Azraphel.  
"No, she's not!"  
With a simple wave of his hand, he was able to stop the stroller, and it just stopped. He said it. He said the dangers were everywhere, but Azraphel wouldn't listen.  
He reached the baby breathlessly, and she laughed undisturbed.  
"Aaaah, fuck!" he cursed. "But why do I have to be so scared?!"  
"I'm sorry, I don't know how this happened, I..."  
"You listen to me, angel. If we had a child of our own, I wouldn't let you have him even if you were my only choice. You're too distracted!" then looked at Clara. "And she laughs! Glad to know at least she hasn't been traumatized! Enough, let's go home!"  
What an overreaction... nothing serious had happened after all, right?_____ _ _ _ _ _

__________Arriving at night, Clara had protested for her beloved feeding bottle. Crowley had also suggested that she eat something more decent, but Azraphel had reminded him that the baby still didn't have teeth, so he had to make do. As the demon preferred to have everything under control, he mumbled "I'll give it to her", and Azraphel did not protest. He liked to see him so attentive. And then, yes, he certainly knew how to do it, even better than he did.  
In the end, both of them had arrived tired and the angel had sat beside him, watching him feed Clara.  
"Can we confirm that caring for a newborn is harder than stopping the end of the world?"  
"Absolutely, but I never had any doubts about it. The little humans are difficult to handle," he admitted, then put down the bottle and lifted Clara. "But in this case I had one satisfaction. Because I'm your favourite, aren't I, Clara? Azraphel is bad."  
"I'm not bad and stop negatively influencing the child!" he mumbled offended.  
"I don't influence her negatively! All right, all right, listen to me Clara. Azraphel is not bad. He's my favorite person, after all he's been with me for over six thousand years. And he's also my perfect half, what keeps me anchored to reality. Remember this when you grow up and inevitably I'll take you to drink and he'll try to stop me."  
"But how to get her to drink? Oh, Crowley, you were doing so well!" he sighed, only to smile just afterwards. "You praise her. You may as well say it directly to me."  
"You already know these things. She doesn't know these things. And now, Clara, I'll tell you something else, but don't tell anyone," he kept his voice down. "I really love this angel sitting next to us. I trust you'll keep it a secret."  
Azraphel felt his heart do a somersault. Every Crowley love you was as precious and important as the first, to be jealously guarded.  
Clara looked at the demon, only to vomit up the milk she'd just ingested.  
"Please tell me it didn't happen," he said slowly.  
"I'd take that as a "Okay, I won't tell anyone."  
"...shut up and help me instead."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was after ten o'clock when Newton and Anathema came back to pick up little Clara, obviously awake and lively as never before.  
"Oh, Clara! You're all right! You haven't done anything strange, have you?" asked the girl, worried but also slightly threatening.  
"But no, nothing at all," replied Crowley, carefully avoiding the small incident with the buggy.  
"Did she behave herself? She didn't cry too much, did she?" Newton asked.  
"Oh, no. Clara's a very good girl. And then Crowley was good at calming her down."  
The demon wished to kill him, as he'd told him not to tell anyone.  
"I didn't do anything, really", he pointed out, looking then at Clara, who in turn stared at him. "Well, Little thing, it's been a pleasure. Be a good girl, okay?"  
He couldn't help but caress her cheek. And to feel so ridiculously... ridiculously sad... And the sadness increased when all three of them left, this Azraphel guy noticed right away. He approached him cautiously, placing one hand on his shoulder.  
"Oh, dear. Are you sad because Clara's gone? You've grown fond of her."  
"I didn't get attached! But that baby amuses me, all right? She's smart. I'm not sad," she insisted, but without much success,  
"But you don't have to worry. We can see her whenever you want. And then we can always look after her next time."  
Crowley made a face. It's not like Azraphel was making it easy for him. A little girl babysitting a demon and an angel? Yeah, that would have been a lot of fun.  
"Okay, whatever, but I'm telling you, I'm not sad. Now, if you don't mind, I need a stiff drink."  
Oh, she was sad, all right. Poor Crowley. But that gave Azraphel yet another confirmation that the demon was a good person._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> This story's been on my mind for a while, and nothing, here it is. I love writing about situations where everything revolves around children, especially babies, I couldn't miss the chance to write about Azraphel and Crowley baby-sitting. I chose the name Clara because it always seemed very sweet for a little girl. Then I'm convinced that Crowley is good with children of all ages but he also sucks at handling teenagers, I don't know, my head tells me this XD  
> In this story, he's a little freaked out, but when I'm dealing with a newborn, I imagine him like this, no more, no less. And no wonder Clara's happy with two babysitters like that, I would say...  
> I had a lot of fun writing it, I hope you enjoyed it :)


End file.
